Let's keep it all Acoustic (ENG)

When it is hard, you think that people would help you. It’s a natural thought, isn’t it? It is… But it’s not a natural thing to happen. When you have a hard time, nobody cares about your bad mood. You might sit in the corner of a shower for an hour without water pouring down, trying to reach out to someone.

The first one says: No, I cannot come. I have my problems; I cannot handle others. Understandable….

The second one doesn’t answer… It’s a group of four people, but nobody answers. Are they busy?

The third one wants a free day of you even before all these.

The fourth one… At first, the messages stop with: Ok. Next comes later.

The fifth one… Cannot come. Because she is busy… But I might know busy with what… Well. It doesn’t matter.

When you keep crying, your mind is racing. 50 Hallucinations on, your pain is so massive that you cannot handle it anymore, but your body also is numb to everything… You cannot move. It’s a two-bladed sword. You cannot hurt yourself, but you cannot bring yourself out from the shower corner. Then you start dreaming about having someone. You wish you had something, someone to help your pain…. But there’s no one. You just cry. Cry after you cry… You have suicidal thoughts, but you are too weak to do anything. Which is good. But if right now someone was to ask about your mood, with trembling hands and fake smiles… Say ‘’I am fine’’. When your truth can’t be heard, your lies get the spotlight. You start assuring people. ‘’I am fine.’’ ‘’Don’t worry about me!’’ ‘’I can manage!’’

…

…

Or can I? Am I fine? Should others worry?

…

…

‘’Naaah.’’ You think. If you don’t tell anyone, nobody suspects a thing. After all… Worrying someone is bad. But lying… Lying is also bad. You don’t know what’s going on. Everything hurts. You just want to lay down, scream for help, but all you can do is smile. Smile, and assure everything is good. There’s nothing bad in your life. Nothing bad anyone else can see. But you can… You know you can’t handle it. The only person whom you can tell about this… Is your nurse, but even she cannot help. She doesn’t know-how. Nobody does. You are back in square one. You can’t go anywhere to get help. All you can do is suffer. Alone. In that shower corner. Hm… It starts to feel like home. The home where you can be. When you feel bad, just go there. Put on some tunes… Keep it all acoustic. Stay there for what feels like forever… Just let it all out. Show that you can handle it. You don’t need to do much… Actually … Nothing at all. You can suffer alone. In peace, nobody cared then, so nobody cares now… Nothing is good. You need someone, but you cannot have anyone. Nothing can help.

Then. There is maybe a bit of hope… But is that true? She came… Mom got here. Do you think that’s something good? She is asking you, what have you been doing today… She lights up some candles. They look beautiful on your TV stand. You cannot name the scent yet, but it’s slowly filling the room.

Maybe you don’t have to be alone… But you aren’t crying anymore… That’s something good…