Frozen Bodies (ENG)

Two boys, about the same age. Topias and Tony. They shared everything and were remarkably close. Both of them had one secret the other did not know about though. They were afraid of the same reaction… Hatred, being laughed at. Losing the other friend. Even though they were close and shared everything, they were afraid when it came to these secrets.

One day, Topias invited Tony to his place. They both were sixteen at the time. At the time, Tony had hair dyed to red, as Topias had deep brown hair. Tony was a bit afraid to come but couldn’t decline. Because they had the last sleepover when they were around then… When his body started to freeze randomly. It was at its worst during night-time, so Tony needed to go to the bed earlier than usual. However, they went to make some chicken noodles as a night snack. ‘’Wow, this is good!’’ Topias smiled. ‘’Thanks!’’ Tony said, looking at the clock. It would soon tick to nine, so there shouldn’t be a problem… Right?

What Tony, on the other hand, did not know, was that Topias had a crush on him but he hid it well, acting as nothing happened. Like he had no crush.

As they finished eating, Tony stretched. ‘’You head to your room ahead, okay? I need to go to the bathroom.’’ He said. ‘’Alright.’’ Topias smiled and left for his room already. Tony walked to the bathroom, did his needs and as he was washing his hands, he noticed his movements slowing down, bit by bit. He hissed lightly, feeling himself go unfocused. He rubbed his eyes lightly with wet hands and wiped the water off with a towel, hoping it would be a way to ease the slowness for a few more moments.

He started walking towards Topias’ room. It was dark, barely any light in there to reveal the deep blue walls. He forced himself with every step he took. He ruffled his hair a bit, lowering his hand as he got to the room’s door. He opened it and walked in. He closed the door and almost got to his mattress before… His body froze completely. Topias noticed Tony acting weird but did not notice what was wrong exactly. ‘’You ready to sleep, dude?’’ Topias asked but… Got no answer. Tony just stood there, quietly staring at nothingness. ‘’Tony? Tony, you are freaking me out…’ Topias said. Tony just kept standing still. Soon it hit Topias. ‘’Can you move?’’ Topias asked quietly. Tony shook his head just a small bit, it was barely there but was enough for Topias to understand it.

Tony soon tensed a bit as his eyes went more unfocused and he felt Topias’ hand on his. He tried to move, lift his leg to walk to his bed but managed only to twitch. ‘’Tony?’’ Topias asked, getting no answer. He took a deep breath. ‘’It’s okay. Can you hold tightly from my hand, if I pull you here carefully?’’ Topias asked. Tony nodded just a tiny bit. Topias pulled Tony to his bed carefully, making him almost fall, but caught him. Tony just looked at Topias, his blue eyes still very unfocused. Topias hugged Tony, holding him close, saying a heartbreaking line. The line that he did not want to say… ‘’No homo.’’ He chuckled lightly, hurting from the inside a lot.

Tony was unable to answer, but soon mumbled something, barely hearable. ‘’I am sorry, mom.’ like it would be an automatic reaction. Topias looked at him, and light up his nightlight. He noticed something from under Tony’s white T-shirt’s sleeve. A bruise… ‘’Tony what is th-?!’ He whispered but noticed that Tony had already fallen asleep, at least according to his chest movements. Topias sighed and smiled a little bit. He caressed Tony’s red hair and hugged him, just holding him against his chest. Just like he had wanted for years. He fell asleep there, to the warmness.

As the morning rose, Tony woke up first. He sat up quickly, looking at Topias’ calm face. He sighed. ‘I hope he doesn’t hate me…’ He said, getting down from the bed carefully, seeing the sun’s first rays on the floor. Then he looked at Topias and walked to the bathroom. Topias’ parents were on a small trip, so the house was the responsibility of the two boys.

As Tony had done his needs, he looked at himself from the mirror. He sighed lightly. ‘’You truly messed this up…’ He said to his face in the mirror and left back to Topias’ room.

As he got back, he noticed Tobias still being asleep. He sighed and sat down on the mattress, hoping he wouldn’t remember the whole freezing thing. He could lie, but what would that help? Nothing… He eventually needed to tell about that. He held his arm a bit where the bruise was located at. ‘’... Topias…’ He mumbles, looking at his best friend, who curled up a bit. Then he heard it, a quiet sob. Tony tilted his head. The sob had sounded so heartbreaking… Tony sighed and stood up, setting his hand on his shoulder. ‘’Topias?’’ He asked carefully. Topias tensed visibly, but curled up more, covering his face. ‘’…Topias is everything okay?’ He asked, fearing the worst already. ‘Does he hate me now?’ Tony asked and let go of Topias, sitting against his bed. He hated himself right now. Why did his body do that to him? He had had many visits to different doctors and therapists, but nobody knew what was wrong with Tony. He wanted to live in peace. To move… For Topias.

He felt hot tears rising in his eyes. He buried his head to his knees, crying quietly. They were both crying but for different reasons. The other was heartbroken and the other was afraid. After a bit, both of them took deep breaths and turned to look at each other, noticing tears in each other’s cheeks. ‘’Why were you crying?’’ They asked each other. Topias looked down. ‘’T-Topias I am sorry I haven’t told you! I-I didn’t know how without making you see me as a weirdo!’’ Tony said, closing his eyes tightly.

He was a bit alarmed by what Topias did next. He looked at his best friend hugging him tightly. Tony looked at him, hugging back. He held from him tightly. Tony was about to throw the ‘’No homo’’-joke, but before he could get further than ‘’no’’, Topias started trembling. Crying again quietly. He felt as if his heart had been ripped out. It hurt so much. ‘’H-hey Topy are you okay?’’ Tony asked, looking at him. ‘’Stop…’ Topias begged. ‘’Just… Stop…’ He moved his hand to his chest. ‘’Don’t…’ He mumbled the rest very unclearly in between the sobs. ‘’Just… Don’t…’ Topias begged. Tony looked at Topias, who was afraid and hurt. It was clear as the raising day. Tony nodded. ‘’Alright, dude.’’ He said, petting Topias’ hair a bit awkwardly, hoping it would make him feel better.

After a bit, Topias calmed down and let go of Tony. ‘’S-sorry about that…’ He said quietly. ‘’It’s okay. I am sorry I did not tell you earlier.’’ Tony sighed. ‘’I heard you the first time.’ Topias chuckled a bit and looked at Tony in his eyes. Something he hadn’t done in ages. Tony looked back at those hazel colored eyes. ‘’You okay?’’ He asked. Topias trembled a bit but hid it. ‘’Are you hungry? I can prepare some breakfast for us.’’ He said, changing the subject. ‘’Okay?’’ Tony said and sat up. ‘’Let’s go.’’ He said. Topias nodded with teary eyes. ‘’Why are you crying though?’’ He asked. ‘’B-because…’ His voice was caught in his throat. ‘’Because…’ He managed to say. ‘’… Because…’ He repeated, unable to say anything. ‘’Because?’’ Tony asked, but caused Topias only to run away. ‘’Topy?!’’ Tony asked, as the other ran and hid to the toilet, locking the door.

Tony sighed and looked at the door. ‘’Topy what’s wrong?’’ He asked. ‘’Y-you wouldn’t accept me after it!’’ Topias screamed through the door. Tony tensed a bit. ‘’Well, do you accept someone who literally FREEZES every night?!’’ ‘’YES!’’ Topias screamed back at Tony. ‘’Because I LOVE you!’’ He continued, crying harder. Tony tensed and looked at the door. ‘’And I mean it!’’ He said. Tony sighed, looking at the door. ‘’No homo, rig-‘’ He stopped as Topias cried more. ‘’In the gayest way possible! I have loved you for years!! But always before I managed to get any further than ‘’I love you’’, YOU used that phrase! It hurts!’’ Topias shouted. ‘’It rips my heart out!’’ Tony stared at the door. ‘’Every girlfriend you have had… Just shattered my heart… I haven’t been able to tell!’’ Topias kept shouting.

Tony was completely quiet. ‘’And even now you just left-…’ ‘’No, I am still here.’’ Tony said, cutting off Topias. ‘’I am sorry, Topy… I didn’t know I hurt you. I would never mean it! You are my best friend!’’ Tony said. Topias just kept crying. ‘’Nothing more?!’’ He asked. ‘’Topy come on! You know I love you too!’’ ‘’Yea, PLATONICALLY!’’ Topias shouted. That caught Tony off guard. ‘’I have loved, ACTUALLY loved you for YEARS! I have been hurting from the inside for so long! I just wanted you to see me! AS ME! True me!’’ ‘’…Is that why you haven’t dated anyone?’ Tony asked. ‘’Yes! But you were too blind! You saw NOTHING what I meant! You kept laughing! Saying those two words… I just want it to end!’’ Topias screamed as Tony heard the mirror closet door open. He knew that his mother kept shavers there, with… Removable blades. ‘’Topy open the door!’’ Tony panicked. ‘’No!’’ Topias cried. ‘’I just want the pain to END!’’ He screamed. Tony quickly reached for keys that were hanging from the key hanger and opened the door. He opened it with one fast movement. He grabbed Topias’ wrist. ‘’Drop the blade.’’ Tony said. ‘’No!’’ Topias said. ‘’You aren’t dying here!’’ Tony said. ‘’But-!!’’ ‘’Shut it! I am not letting you die!’’ Tony said and sighed. ‘’I am sorry I haven’t noticed it!’’ He said, pressing his lips on Topias’, taking the blade away and putting it on top of the mirror closet where Topias couldn’t reach it.

Topias pushed Tony away. ‘’Don’t play with my feelings!’’ He screamed. ‘’I am not!’’ Tony said. ‘’I-‘’ ‘’Go away!’’ Topias said. ‘’What?’’ Tony asked. ‘’I said GO AWAY!’’ Topias cried. ‘’Your face is just hurting my heart!’’ Tony stared at Topias but sighed. ‘’Alright…’ He said and walked to pack his stuff. Topias leaned to the wall, crying loudly. Last thing he wanted… Was to fight with Tony. To chase him away. But as he heard the front door open, he knew that he wouldn’t probably see or hang out with Tony ever again. It hurt him even more. He cried, unable to stop. He looked at his phone. There was only one message from Tony. ‘’I am so sorry.’’ Topias cried and threw his phone away to the soft carpet and cried.

As the weekend was over and it was time to return to school, Tony did not see Topias anywhere. He had thought about what had happened ever since Saturday… When he had realized that he felt the same, but how would he explain it? He didn’t know. It would be the new year soon, and Tony had promised to spend it with Topias and one other friend that lives far away. He sighed. ‘’…I guess Topias won’t be coming…’ He took his phone, about to text to the other friend, as he heard familiar footsteps walking through the hallway. Tony looked at his best friend… Who just walked past him in his usual leather jacket. Tony held his chest. ‘’T-Topy wait!’’ Tony shouted, running after Topias, but he disappeared in the middle of the crowd of other students. ‘Is this how you felt this entire time…?’ Tony wondered in his mind, sighing as he walked back to the biology class. ‘’…Well at least he is still alive… I just wish he finds someone better than be to be his… Lover…’ He mumbled, sighing.

As the school was over, Tony walked through the empty hallways, only to see Topias at the windowsill. ‘’Topy?’’ Tony asked, walking to him. ‘’What?’’ Topias asked. ‘’I am sorry about the weekend, but I realized something during that moment…’ Tony said. ‘’What? That I am a gay person and you don’t want a gay in your friend group? Don’t bother… I will be changing school.’’ Topias said. Tony’s heart shattered. ‘’Y-you can’t!’’ Tony said. ‘’We have been together since preschool!’’ ‘’I don’t care!’’ Topias shouted. ‘’I just… All I wanted for YEARS was to make you see me! But… I guess we weren’t me-‘’

‘’Shut up.’ Tony said and gathered his courage to kiss Topias, who started crying again, but soon realized the feeling of the kiss. It was all love. No jokes, no ‘’no homo’’ jokes… No despise. Only love. Tony wrapped his arms around Topias’ holding him close, his left hand behind Tony’s head, right hand on his lower back. They just kissed, the rest of the world disappeared… And it was just two of them. Topias wrapped his hands desperately around Tony, so he wouldn’t just disappear from in front of Topias. It felt so surreal. Like it was a dream.

And then… He woke up, sitting up quickly. He wiped his eyes, looking around in his bedroom, then feeling shifting from next to him. He smiled a bit. ‘Right... We are married now…’ He smiled. ‘’My Tony…’ He hugged him, instantly being hugged back, getting a sloppy and tired kiss on his lips. ‘’You okay, Topy?’’ Tony asked. ‘’Yea just had kind of a bad dream…’ Topias answered, being only more tightly hugged. ‘’It was just a dream.’ Tony said, falling asleep. Topias smiled and kissed Tony, falling back asleep. He was happy. Even Tony’s freezings had stopped happening through the years, so everything was fine.

~The end~